Smoke Day

I smoked today. Actually, I smoked just now with only 31 minutes left in the day. Not really a cigarrete even, more a mini-cigar that was sitting in a forgotten corner of the house until now. So horrible yet so comfortable. I've been on nicotine candy for the past three months and haven't been able to get off it. That's not really quitting, more like pausing. And I've been in an irritating state of mind for the past three months. Damn. I feel like a loser. The worst part of smoking these days is the guilt. I don't know if I am back to smoking or not yet. I am taking it one day at a time at this point. For now, allow me this pleasure of hating myself for this self-inflicted wound.